Last week, I began a series talking about some of the challenges I face in my writing. We started by tackling the hobgoblin of writer's block, and exposed it for what it truly is, a clever excuse NOT to write. Today we continue the series with a look at something far more dangerous to creativity . . . GUILT.
"Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do." - Voltaire.
In a nutshell, guilt is the emotion we feel when we act (or fail to act) in accordance with what we know to be right. I would say more, but it is a universal experience. It is the crushing emotion we all get the first time a parent looks us in the eye and says, "I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed." We've all been there.
So when do I feel guilt as a writer, and why is it soul-crushing to my creativity?
I feel most guilty as a writer when I'm NOT writing. It's during those quiet moments I steal for myself - watching a Phillies' game, playing on the PS4, taking a nap - when I know that I could be (should be) writing instead. And those are the magic words that conjure the demon we call guilt... "should be." By some long-lost alchemy, "should be" transforms our favorite hobby into something more resembling a job, if not a moral imperative.
But doesn't that make GUILT a good motivator for writing?
In my experience, it is impossible to work creatively while suffering under the burden of guilt. It drains our emotional energy and leads to feelings of resentment toward the work itself - in other words, it creates the exact opposite of the excitement and momentum required of a writer to dream up well-rounded characters, faraway settings, and dramatic plots. There's simply no way around it: Guilt kills creativity.
What makes it even worse is that it begins a cruel cycle. I feel guilty for not writing, but because I feel guilty that makes writing more difficult. I blame my lack of creativity on writer's block and walk away from the computer, but then I feel guilty again for not writing. I sit back down at the keyboard, doubly guilty now, but any hope of being effective in my writing was lost hours ago. And on and on it goes...
How do we break the cycle?
I can offer two pieces of advice for dealing with guilt in my writing. The first is consistency. We must find a consistent time to devote to our writing. It doesn't have to be daily and it doesn't have to be hours upon hours. Carving out a couple hours once a week devoted entirely to writing can be all it takes. By writing consistently, we don't have to feel guilty for the other free moments when we're not writing. The routine itself fosters creativity.
My other piece of advice is applicable after you find your routine. Invariably, you will fail at writing consistently, but in those moments, we need to be kinder to ourselves. Acknowledge that outside forces sometimes plot against our carefully planned routines, and instead of beating ourselves up over our failures, forgive ourselves and recommit to our writing moving forward.
I started this series last week by teasing that only one of the three (Writer's Block, Guilt, and Ghosts) was real. Unfortunately, guilt is the one that's real, and it can absolutely kill our creativity if we let it. If you're a writer like me, there's no doubt you started because you love the act of writing and the joy it brings. Don't let feelings of guilt ruin that for you.
Find your own routine, forgive yourself when you fail, and don't feel bad about taking those naps. I do some of my best writing when I'm asleep. In the meantime...